In the Garden: Dog's Tooth Violets (Erythronium dens-canis 'Pagoda')

I wasn't sure whether to bother with any words today, should I just let the images speak for themselves? Also the footfall on the blog has been piteous in recent months and it is not read by many people either, so I wondered at the point of sharing my thoughts as no one seemed interested.

This I find hard as it is difficult not to take it as rejection. As I have said before, I frequently feel like I don't belong, and often feel excluded. Often I end up thinking what is the point, and walk away. I am really good at persevering at most things, in fact I can be a dog with a bone when challenged to overcome an illness or disability. I relish a challenge and frequently task myself with acquiring new skills and new knowledge, and I don't give up until I feel half way competent at least. So why can't I do this with people, communication and relationships.

I don't know. Well I do, but should I expose my vulnerable underbelly for all to see online? 'Take a risk' says my internal demon, 'nothing ventured nothing gained' it taunts. 'Hmm think I- let's not completely lose all our dignity - we seem quite adept at that these days!'

Let's stick to the safety of the pictures I took this morning. I am fond of these nodding flowers, they are beautiful, I love their delicacy and the softness of the yellow. I am not a great lover of yellow-flowered plants, and this yellow is probably yellow as my tastes allow - with the exception of daffodils and they can be as garish as you like - yes I know - fickle!

I had a large clump of these under the cherry, but they didn't appreciate me rooting around close to their roots digging out the ground elder in the past few weeks, the lovely mottled glossy leaves disappeared and I think they have gone into major sulk mode until next year now. Or at least I hope that is what has happened.

I felt a bit bereft without them, so imagine my delight when I was at local nursery and I found a few pots of them in full flower (it's quite early still for flowers). Needless to say they didn't stay in the nursery very long, and 5 pots made it home with me. Later they will share their bed with Shuttlecock ferns and some white-margined, white-flowered Hostas. I am hoping the Solomon's Seal will make an appearance too; last year it was decimated by sawfly larva.

Tomorrow I am off on an adventure with a fellow blogger - we plan to visit the gardens at Avebury Manor of recent BBC fame and also enjoy some lunch in the Red Lion pub, and walk Avebury Rings. Fingers crossed this weather holds, it promises to be a glorious day.

Comments

Jane Alexander 22 March 2012 at 13:56

It's that time of year, Zoe... my blog is in the doldrums too. Maybe everyone is too busy out in their gardens? :) But I think it's always worth putting out words, as well as images...because you never know who will read and maybe, just maybe, yours are the words that one person (yes, maybe even just one person) will need to read at that particular moment.
Your pictures are, as always, exquisite... How I wish you could take charge of my unruly patch...which is, I fear, nurturing a fresh new crop of ground elder and brambles. :(

jxxx

Zoe Lynch 22 March 2012 at 14:06

Your garden is lovely, I even love the bit where you come into the garden which has the ground elder problem, it has a fabulous atmosphere of its own - a place I would linger. Sadly there is no magic potion to solve the ground elder problem, we have literally dug up the roots by the barrow load this spring, and replaced a large area of soil too with some 3 tons of topsoil!

Thank you for the reassurance - although I am not convinced. Think I am on a bit of a self loathing bender at the moment.

xxx

sandra nix 22 March 2012 at 14:31

Hi there, please do not stop your blog, I have ben reading for ages and love your images especially. Although I garden, I do not call myself a gardener and nowhere up to your standard but I love being out there, planting, sowing, cutting back, whatever. No ground elder but nettles and brambles and ivy to contend with. It has been a long old winter, we all need some sunshine and warm days to lift our spirits.

Zoe Lynch 22 March 2012 at 15:19

Hi Sandra,

thanks for taking the time to comment - it really is appreciated. I think anyone who gardens can call themselves a gardener - so you should too x

Zoe

Heidi 22 March 2012 at 15:04

Dear Zoe, I usually do not leave comments, I am just a reader, don't have a blog. I only want to tell you, that I was worried, when you did not blog for such a long time, and that I am glad you are back. I can understand your feelings of not belonging. But I am sure you have several readers like me.

Zoe Lynch 22 March 2012 at 15:21

Hello Heidi

well your comment is very welcome, so please feel free to contribute your thoughts as often as you like!

Thanks for the visit x

Pipany 22 March 2012 at 15:44

And then there are people who seem to be friends and yet don't follow through in their actions - yes Zoe, I do indeed mean me! I have a pile of paper here to send you, words of supposed wisdom (though you may beg to differ) and hopefully some helpful pointers on setting up your own business and yet have not given time to doing so. Forgive me? I WILL be fulfilling these tasks with pleasure this weekend and please do not give up your beautiful blog. I for one would miss it and know I am not alone in this.

On another note Zoe, this phase will pass as I know you know, but by golly doesn't it make you spit when you work as hard at life as you do to feel this way? Take heart my lovely - you are such a special and talented person with so much to give. I realise some words ring hollow when received on a blog comment thingy but bear in mind no one has to write them. They are from the heart and meant with hobesty and love.

Chat soon lovely lady xxx

Zoe Lynch 22 March 2012 at 15:53

Hi Pip

no forgiveness necessary - I already said in your own time as I am well aware how busy you are. I will be very grateful when you do get a moment though as I do value your advice.

Yeh, its the pits - wish they could do mind transplants, I would gladly swap mine for a quieter space.

xxx

Tom Lynch 22 March 2012 at 20:18

The internet today is a terrible place, with its popularity and ubiquity it has allowed criminals, and other miscreants alike to have uncensored and free access to communicate their hateful woes towards kind hearted, warm and thoughtful people who mean no harm on others. It is in some ways a mixing pot and with it comes it's downfalls. We all know the benefits of the internet but they are often overlooked by the harsh words people say, or even the inaction of saying nothing.

There is a fantastic movie called Chat Room, anyone who hasn't seen it MUST WATCH IT.

What I guess I am trying to say is that the internet requires you to take it with a pinch of salt, there are people who would write the most obscene things about people they don't even take the time to know, in aid of a laugh or a reaction.

Why do we do it?

I think as much as anything sharing your thoughts is an important part of your creative self expression. I don't know what it is like for you in your mind, but I do remember at school and sometimes now how it is to feel depressed, as you put it "Whats the point?". The point is to be heard, and inspire others, as others inspire you.

I know this is a weird and non-sensical rambling of sentences, but what I am trying to say is that the internet is the harshest place you can share your thoughts, but really its the only place you are free to express your self. You shouldn't put up with the hurtful people but equally don't let them disparage you from sharing as you see, all these other people are reading, waiting eagerly on your next word.

Zoe Lynch 22 March 2012 at 22:07

Blimeee - you've a sage old head on young shoulders.

You are right of course!

Your Mum must be very proud of you ;-)

Tom Lynch 29 March 2012 at 16:06

Anna 22 March 2012 at 22:23

Hang on in there Zoe and continue to share you beautiful photos and your accounts of what is happening in your life and garden with us. Sometimes time gets in the way of people commenting, especially at this busy time of year for all those of us who love their gardens, sometimes sadly it is laziness that thwarts comments and sometimes people find words do not come easily. Have a great day out tomorrow - hope that the sun shines gently down on you.

Anna 22 March 2012 at 22:27

P.S. Forgot to say how much I like the looks of 'Pagoda' - what a lucky find. Will look out for them in the future along with the ' Jury's Yellow' camellia you mentioned in your last post. I'm not a yellow fan either but fell for the subtle colouring of 'Jury's Yellow' a few years ago. Sadly I killed the plant but must, must replace it.

Elizabethm 22 March 2012 at 22:32

Always read, always love it. Sometimes feel so totally outclassed by what you achieve that go away without saying anything. Lovely erythroniums and looking out not looking in is perhaps an answer so how lucky for us when you vary your camera.

VP 22 March 2012 at 23:13

Looks like our get together tomorrow is very timely :)

I think everyone goes through blogging doldrums on a regular basis and this too shall pass. The problem is that when you most need to communicate is usually the time when the least number of people seem to take notice. It's hard not to care about it, especially when you've put your heart and soul into it.

I've said 'seem' deliberately, because sometime down the line I bet someone will say something to you - either in person, or in a comment - which shows they have been there and you knew absolutely nothing about it. It happened to me yesterday when I went to lunch with the company I blog for - I found the wife of the guy who suggested me for the job, not only has read my blog, but asked him what NAH means :0

Looking forward to tomorrow immensely :)

PS I like the sound of your planting scheme - it'll really light up a shady corner

Frances 22 March 2012 at 23:35

Zoe, I completely agree with you about what all the generous forsythia does ... all over Central Park. When I take the crosstown bus that travels through a stone-lined transverse from West to East across the Park (and back again) I am amazed at how dramatic the brilliant forsythia looks against that stone on a sun shiny day.

Gosh, I think we need a real catch up ... maybe via emai? A month ago, I reduced my "official" work week to four days, which has so far translated into four longish days...but how wonderful that extra day off is!

Your posts are brilliant, and now I am going to get over here much more often. The google follow feature makes it easier for me to keep up with folks, but ...should not keep me from seeing old friends.

I won't fill up more of this box right now, but hope that we can see more of each other this year. xo

Sarah Blackburn 23 March 2012 at 00:48

Tut, Tut, dear Zoe. your words and pictures are looked at and loved, your thoughts pondered over and your achievements admired. I often find myself pointing people in your direction to learn or to be encouraged to get on with life and make the best of it. The webbiverse is crowded but you are a person of note in it all and you make us more fortunate for knowing your work.
The hobbit man, JRR Tolkien, wrote a strange little story ("Leaf" by Niggle), about an artist whose magnus opus, an intricate painting of a tree, was much delayed by his helping a neighbour with mundane tasks. It's years since I read it but I think it's about the tension between great works and worthy distractions and also whether there's any point to creating beauty since everything is impermanent - which surely there is, since so much natural beauty is ephemeral and therefore unseen by more people than have seen it. So write and share your words and pictures, please, even if we your readers are a minority; even if you were the only reader, that does not diminish the wisdom and beauty of your creations.
On a lighter note, I am reminded of Hilaire Belloc's verse "When I am gone may it be said/ His sins were scarlet but his books were read."

elaine rickett 23 March 2012 at 14:02

From the amount of comments you have received on this post - it looks as though you have a happy band of followers. Time is a limiting factor for me when commenting on other people's posts - and also the fact that my responses seem boring compared to others. I feel the same way as you in as much as I wonder if it is worth all the effort I put in to make interesting posts when I get so little response sometimes. Nevertheless, I will still keep blogging, as I enjoy it and have come across some really nice people.

Annie 24 March 2012 at 13:13

Hey Zoe, I'm guessing you have more readers than you realise, folk following you via the various blog aggregators won't always show up in your stats for a start, and don't get me started on the unreliability of most stat counters.

I'm here, I'm reading, and I'm sure many others are too. I'm one of those who always has something to say (not necessarily a good thing!) so I'm often surprised by how many people read blogs but feel no need to comment. I'm guessing plenty of them hang out here.

One of the things I love about your blog is the way you instigate conversations like this one in the comments, you provide much food for thought, and I am in awe of your gardening prowess. So please keep doing what you do x

Elephant's Eye 10 April 2012 at 22:44

As Elaine says, you have comments and a lively conversation going here. I know from a month when I counted carefully, that only 1 in 10 of my readers comments - so your silent majority is out there. Reading along, nodding in agreement, not always having the time and the words ... You remain the owner of my favourite avatar :~))
Diana

Zöe Lynch's Blog

Comments