It has been a difficult weekend for me. I have felt a huge void in my world open up. I know it has to happen, and my children need to fly, but when it becomes your reality it can be very difficult to accept. Robyn moved out permanently earlier this year, and moved to Brixton, and her brother Tom, moved out this weekend, and now lives on the outskirts of Brixton too.
I am hugely proud of both my children and what they have achieved in their young lives so far, and that they are both now living independent lives in London, pursuing their dreams and goals. Despite all the doom and gloom in the economy, both have jobs, my son whilst he continues to work towards his Masters degree, and my daughter as she supports herself and her dream of freelance journalism and being a writer. It isnt easy for them financially, but they understand nothing comes on a plate, and if you want something in this life, you have to work for it. I am proud of who they are and what they have already achieved. I love them so very much too.
Being proud doesn't make letting go any easier though, so I spent my time on Sunday sifting through our huge collection of unfiled photographs, grasping at memories and things we did when they were young. Many made me smile, birthdays, Christmases, days out to theme parks, castles and zoos. Things we did together as a family. My family. The family that I loved, and they loved me and it wasnt conditional and there was no fear. All my childhood I had searched for it, and yet it was my husband and my two children who brought me this much-needed sanctuary. A place I can belong, and just be accepted as or Mum (or Bun as they call me), and that's enough for them.
The photo above shows my children and others from our village when I was a Rainbow Guide Pack Leader, and we got together with the local Beaver Scouts pack, to enter into the village carnival here. It seems a lifetime ago now. I made the costumes such as they were myself and a fun afternoon was had by all, and much money raised for local good causes. Days like these, the simple pleasures in life, stick in my mind the most. I've seen the other children grown to adulthood too, and no doubt their Mum's feel the same way as I do. It's a universal thing that many of us go through. But, no one tells you how to cope with it, any more than they tell you just what a massive change having children will bring to your life. I am not the most naturally maternal women on the planet, but my children after a slow start on my part have given me something I had craved for until then. Love. The ability to give it freely, and receive it back, unconditionally. I want them to know how very grateful I am to them for that.
Now I think I need to work out my purpose in life again. I know I am still their Mum, and I know they will come home, but finally I have to accept it is time to set them free and I really don't want to. I feel like I am loosing part of me.
One of life's little griefs.
Comments
We ran a piece about it by a woman called Celia Dodd in the Independent a few weeks ago, and it was the first time I'd really seen this issue addressed.
If anyone is interested, or thinks they might find her book helpful, here's the link to her website. http://celiadodd.co.uk/books_emptynest.html
Now it is my grandchildren who are approaching the point of departure. The elder has gone to Uni so is living away from home for the first time. I have to say it makes me very proud.
Hope all is well. I suspect being a Grandparent will be my next milestone - certainly don't feel prepared or ready for that! Wont be too long before you are a great grandma then! xx
Each of them has started out on their own adult journey, which we older adults know might have many twists and turns. Your children are lucky to know about your unconditional love and support. That will continue to give additional strength to their very obvious talents.
Hey...while I am typing away in this box, and know that the moon is growing full overhead, let me say again how glad I am that our paths have crossed via that mysterious webby pathway.
xo
I too am glad we are both looking at the same moon :-)
xx
The fact that you are enormously proud of both your children, and the fact that they know they are loved will stand them in good stead for the next phase of their lives. They are indeed lucky to have you as their Mum
K
The one thing I wanted as a child was to feel loved. I so how they know how much they are.
xx
I'm sure you will continue to have great loving relationships with both of yours. It doesn;t take a mo to pick up the phone. Not the same as face to face but just as important.